Jasmine Hart

Thanks guys! I'll take another look at this soon and see if I can fix it in accordance with your thoughts.:)

Thanks guys. :)

Hi, The first and last lines were really lovely. I'd change "the moon" to something more unusual/descriptive. I think that it would be interesting to expand on this. Hope this ...

Hi, Welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. This is really lovely. I'd change the last line as it's a bit short. Maybe "keeping" should be changed to ...

This is so brilliant! :)

Hi, This flows nicely and I love how the simplicity of the pattern contrasts with the speaker's pain. The last two stanzas are really great. The tone is very powerful ...

Thanks so much everyone. I've made a couple of changes and may revisit this again. I really appreciate your comments and suggestions. Jas

Thanks everyone! I'll have another look at this and make some changes in accordance with your suggestions.

Thanks a mil Kit. :) I'll think about expanding,and looking at re-wording how my characters are arranged around the room in the second stanza...mostly they were just tired, and too ...

Thanks everyone! You're right, Stella, I've made a few little changes in accordance with your suggestions.

Thanks so much you guys. I'm very grateful for all of your comments, and will try to incorporate them into my rewrite of this, once I make myself focus long ...

Thanks for the reviews. This is rather old!I think I wrote this about three years ago... Saddy, there are some good articles on critiquing if you feel like you need ...

Thanks so much bubbles! Let me know if I can return the favour. I'll look at my commas now! Jas

Heehee. I really enjoyed this. I agree that you should work in a reaction to the blood, but other than that I can't fault it. The inclusion of Meyer was ...

This is nice and staright-forward. You handle the form well. In the second last line, did you mean "Except wait for summer camp". Jas